On Wednesday, I signed up to take some classes for the summer term at the local tech college. I haven’t taken any since we moved down here to Old Fort, and honestly I’m a bit disheartened by the offering of the local community college. You see – they don’t even offer an Associate of Fine Arts degree – which is my primary field of study. However, while I was attending classes at the community college in Asheville I was dual-majoring since I had taken so many elective classes; effectively in the end I would not only have my AFA, but also an Associate of Arts because over two-thirds of my classes counted for both degrees.
But now, that’s all a bit up in the air. I met with an adviser and spoke with her about my intentions and goals and she agreed that my current plan is probably my best bet – that I should take as many of the classes that count for my AFA as I can here, locally, even though they don’t offer the degree specifically. Once I’ve taken as many as I can, I can transfer all of those class credits back to A-B Tech in Asheville and finish out my AFA degree there with the minimum amount of hassle.
The thing is, to qualify as a ‘full time’ student, I need to be taking more classes than that. And the local college offers an Associate of Applied Science degree in Photographic Technology that I really want to take some of the classes for. You see where this is going, don’t you?
So, long story short, I spoke to one of the Photography instructors as well about my previous experience, my current plans and what I’d like to do. The greatest part is that as far as the ‘general education’ part of the Photographic Technology degree goes, I’ve only got one class that I don’t already have, that I need to take – then everything else from then on out will be just the Photography core classes, which I can add to the other classes I’m taking and suddenly be a full time student and qualify for the financial aid that I need. Hooray.
That being said, here is my current list of classes, both taken and to-do:
read more…
First thing this morning when I got up, I phoned my doctor about the results from my scan. Thankfully, there are no signs of anything cancerous! However, they said (and as we pretty much already knew just from feeling the damn thing) it’s pretty badly inflamed, and they want to check it again in 6 months just to make certain that there’s been no changes. That’s good news, at least! I didn’t hardly sleep at all last night because every time I almost fell asleep the only thought that ran through my mind was, ‘What if I have cancer….?’ or various other worst-case scenarios. :|
I really need to stop worrying about everything so badly.
Anyway, in other ‘life-news’, since I reckon I should talk about stuff other than the ‘bad’ that’s been going on in my life… I’ve been getting back on the diet I was on a few years ago, before my gallbladder went nuts. I saw the dietitian last week, and have re-registered at the gym and have went twice this week already!
I also went with Kas down to the college today, to make sure my transcripts got transferred correctly, and that my FAFSA stuff got through alright. Thankfully, even though I’m just transferring all my credits down here, I don’t have to take any placement tests or junk because I’ve already done the per-requisite classes. Which means this summer I can take classes with no problems. Hooray!.
And now I am trying not to melt, because it is amazingly humid today.
Two entries in two days? What is the world coming to?
Seriously though, I really just have to post and bitch about the healthcare ‘professionals’ in this county, and… Ugh.
I had to go in for my thyroid ultrasound today at 2.45pm, and when I was taken back I asked the technician how soon they would have the results back, since I know with ultrasounds they have the pictures right there and often they can have a doctor just look at them right away and tell if there’s an issue. She said, ‘Oh yes, we have a doctor here that reads them as soon as we’re finished so we can see if there’s any problems.’ So I thought, fair enough.
So we get back there, and I have to lay on the table with my head pulled way back so she can get at my neck where the thyroid is… and it took ages and ages, she took so many pictures. At least 20 minutes of picture takings was had, with her ‘Hmmm’ing and ‘Hrrrrrrr’ing the whole time at whatever it was she was taking shots of, I couldn’t see because of how I had to hold my head back. :/
So, after I had finished up she had me go back to the waiting room so the doctor could look at the pictures.
10 minutes go by.
Then she comes back out and says, “Your doctor will phone you with the results, you can go now.”
Clearly, that was not how she told me previously things would happen, so I asked – “But I thought you said they’d look at them right now?” and she cuts me off very abruptly, with, “WE HAVE TO SEND THE RESULTS TO YOUR DOCTOR” and then slammed the door, ending the conversation.
Now I’m just completely freaked out AND irritated, because I had finally gotten myself to a place there in that short amount of time where I was like, ‘Ok you’ll know very soon that you’re fine, stop worrying, they’ll do this and you’ll be fine.’ but now I have to wait even longer? Did they actually find something bad and now I have to wait for my GP to call me in and ‘talk it over’ with me? I don’t know, but now I’m seriously freaking out over this. =(
For several years, I’ve been on synthetic thyroid hormone (I take Levothyroxine) and that was all well enough, but then about a year ago when I went in for my usual blood-draw, my levels were all off, and they had to raise my dosage. Ever since then, my TSH levels have been crazily high. When I started out I was taking .25mcg of the medication – I’m now on 1.25mcg (that’s quite a large increase, they’ve raised it by about 20mcg each time they’ve changed it). The last time I went and was tested, the doctor told me that my level was at 32 – the normal level is around 2 or 3.
So, anyway, a few days ago I had to go in to get blood drawn and the doctor was feeling around my neck, and was very concerned with the fact that my thyroid is apparently now very, very enlarged. She ordered an ultrasound on it, which I have to go for tomorrow.
That in itself really isn’t so bad – thyroid issues run in my mom’s side of the family and it’s always just been a case of ‘take the medication and you’ll be fine’. However, I was with my mom last night and I mentioned it to her and she told me that, actually, thyroid issues run on my father’s side of the family too. My grandmother on my father’s side had thyroid cancer, and had to have her’s out because of it.
Now I’m absolutely terrified.
I know realistically that’s all the worst-case scenario, but I’m the type of person that worries about everything, and so of course I’m going to worry about this. My health is bad enough as it is, all I can think about is ‘what if they find something bad’… Ugh.
Lately I’ve been becoming further and further intolerant of what I’m able to eat – not just in digestion, but the mere scent of many foods puts me right off my appetite.
Honestly, since I had my gallbladder out a few years ago I’ve had to be a lot more selective in what I’m able to eat – anything fatty makes me completely miserable and I have to run right to the toilet soon after finishing most meals, regardless of what it is.
But – lately I find myself nearly completely unable to stomach red meat at all. We had steak the other day for lunch and smelling it made me super queasy, and then also Kas made hamburgers and I couldn’t even eat a few bites of it.
I don’t know – maybe I’m just becoming an un-carnivore? It’s weird, because in the past I’ve always LOVED a nice red steak with just a light sear, salt and pepper and call it done… But now, I feel like my body is revolting even though my brain says ‘YES EAT IT’.
In other news, I’ve also had a migraine for nearly three days straight. Not fun. :|
I received the results back from the MRI test – it seems that I don’t have a tumor, a small kitten or any sort of debris in my brain, and for that I’m very glad. However, that means that the source of my unyielding migraine headaches remains unsolved. The neurologist has changed my ‘breakthrough’ medication from Hydroxyzine to Promethazine – a medication that in the past I’ve been given for nausea. However, I’m told my an European friend that it’s available in the UK as an over-the-counter Sleep Aid, so I suppose it’s used to treat a variety of symptoms. I certainly hope that it helps!
I’ve been getting some work done on the art front, which has been pretty awesome. I have to say though, I have a definite bitch to talk about!
Sakura Microns. Those pens are terrible. TERRIBLE. A few years ago, while on a search for an alternative, I bought a pack of Prismacolor Premier Fine Line Markers, and I’m still going on the same pack. Whereas, with Microns I would buy a pen and use it once or twice and then any number of problems would arise – either the nib would bend or even split, or the ink would sputter and then just dry out, completely useless. The problem is that working on a specific piece, I have a Micron Graphic pen – which is more of a felt-tipped type of pen, instead of the harder nib pen – and so I was using it and the same damned thing started happening! After about 10 minutes of inking, the ink started drying out, like the pen was nearly out of ink. I HATE THESE STUPID PENS SO MUCH.
I’ve been putting off getting started on this second book-editing. I wanted to finish the book I’ve been reading, 1Q84, before really diving into it. The cool think is, though, Heath has The Noble Fool up on Amazon now in it’s revised form – check it out here! I’m a bonafide editor, now! =D
So yesterday was the scheduled MRI scan that the neurologist ordered, in regards to the migraines that I’ve been having. It was a super-late appointment, 4.30 in the evening, and I didn’t get out of the damn office until nearly 7pm.
They had to do two scans, one without contrast and then one with. As I lay there, crammed into that little machine I almost fell asleep a few times…. and the only thing I could think as the WURRRR WURRRR WURRR CLICK CLICK CLICK was going off all around me was, “This would make some really sweet dubstep.”
There’s not really much more going on, on the home front. Been struggling to force myself to finish this commission for
Speaking of art things – I signed up for (and was granted) a full panel in the Eurofurence Art Show. That means I have to have ~10 (I think ten? Whatever will fill 2m x 1m worth of space.) And I need to have it all finished and sent off to Korrok (who is amazingly going to work as my agent for this and take care of all the ‘hard’ stuff, what a dear!) by mid-July or so. That gives me about 5 months to sort out what I want to make, and get it all done and shipped. Huzzah!
I’ve also been working on another little side project for a friend. Heath – also known as Offox – is an amazing author who’s written a really great epic fantasy trilogy. It’s been out for a while, but he’s been wanting to edit it and re-release it and so I’ve been helping him with the editing! It’s very awesome (and also a great read!) I’ll post up a link when the revised edition is up, so if any of you guys are readers you can check it out. =)
I wrote a few weeks ago about how I was having bad migraines and dizzy spells, and finally went in to the doctor today to request a referral to a neurologist. Along with that, I also had to get a blood test done (I’ll speak about that in a minute, that’s not related to why I’m pissed).
So, the PA I saw basically asked me what was up, and I explained to her how before when I saw my PCP I had told him how the Topomax I was on wasn’t really doing the job so well handling the migraines, and he suggested giving me a medication for break-through migraines as well. I said sure, that sounded pretty good since I was having them several times a week so bad that I’d just have to go lay down for a while until they passed even with the daily treatment.
So, he gave me 9 pills with the instructions that when a bad headache came on take one, and if it hadn’t gone away in an hour take a second one and so on. That was well enough, and I managed to make it about five weeks and only take maybe two pills. But then, in the past two weeks I’ve been having migraines so terrible I’ve taken every single last one of the pills. One day I took three of them my head was aching so badly, and after all that my head was hurting even worse that my vision was going splotchy and black in places. All of that, paired with the dizzy spells every day to the point of near fainting finally made me decide enough was enough.
So, as I said, today I went in and got the referral. And a refill on the Imitrex, which was the breakthrough medication I was given the first time around. After coming home, I was talking to Korrok about it and had left the page open where I had looked up the generic name for the pill when something on the page happened to catch my eye just a few minutes ago.
You see, the generic name for Imitrex is “Sumatriptan“. And the first line of the Wikipedia article for it states, “Sumatriptan is a triptan sulfa drug containing a sulfonamide group.”
I. AM. HIGHLY. ALLERGIC. TO. SULFA.
My doctor knows this. It’s ALL OVER my chart. They literally ask me every time I go in what allergies I have. Completely documented, every. fucking. where. When I was a baby I was ill and they gave me sulfa and I ALMOST DIED. That’s the reason my immune system is so fucked up. That’s the reason I’m deaf in my right ear. They literally blew my immune system up with that shit when I was like five days old.
I don’t even know what to do, I’m so fucking mad. I’ve been taking this medication that could have killed me. Thank god it’s a very small dosage, and I’ve only had a very few amount of pills of it. No fucking WONDER it made me feel so much worse. No WONDER I was having massive black-out dizzy spells. I mean… I don’t even know what to do, I’m so dumbfounded that my doctor could make a mistake like this. But, in fairness you must remember how I said before they hardly ever take me seriously. Maybe they just think I’m making up my medication allergies as well?
Kas thinks I should call my lawyer. Honestly… I don’t know if I’m that mad… but I’m pretty fucking mad. They seriously could have killed me, here.
Man, it’s so nice to at least be achieving one goal I’ve set for myself. I know it’s not a hugely great achievement, but a goal is a goal, and that’s a big step considering I generally never get anything done, ever.
I bet you guys thought I had given up on my Book Log, because I stopped posting my updates about what I’d been reading. Well, really I just got lazy about posting about my books because I figured no one cared about the junk I read anyway (do you?) so I just stopped with those updates.
But! The goal that I had set out was to read 52 books this year – one a week. Not only did I stick to my goal (mostly, I had a pretty bad hangup in March/April when Pokemon Black came out because I got sucked into that….) but I shattered the goal and read a whopping FIFTY SIX BOOKS this year. Amazing, go me!
I haven’t decided what kind of reading goal I’ll go for in 2012. Maybe 60? Certainly I could do that, I think!
I feel like a lot of the time I’ve tried way too hard to be something – to make myself fit in somewhere. To fit my square peg into the round hole that everyone expects. As such, I reckon I’ve fallen into forcing myself into quite a few habits or beliefs that I find I don’t really believe.
The past few weeks I’ve had some circumstances leave me in a situation where I’m actually able to think clearly – the most clearly that I’ve been able to think in a long time. I find now that I’ve been putting myself in places to try and seek out some things in my life that I feel like I need, however at the cost of forcing myself to go through processes that I don’t really believe or stand for.
That’s a pretty tough conclusion to come to.
I’ve never really considered myself a skeptic – I really do want to believe. But… when I sit down and think as honest and hard as I can, I realize that maybe all this time I’ve just been deluding myself. I have to ask myself for instance – should god himself come down and tell me that it was his will that I kill someone would I do it? The answer is “No.” No, I wouldn’t. And that means that in my heart of hearts I don’t have the ultimate faith, and according to the Christian Bible that means I’m an nonbeliever. Should that scenario happen, I’d likely take it that I’d finally fallen into the grasp of madness and call my doctor – as would, I imagine, any sane and rational person.
Ultimately I feel like I’ve been clinging to something that I truly find no real meaning in. It’s quite a depressing revelation, really, and it bothers me to think now that I’ve been blindly throwing myself so whole-heartedly into something that I actually don’t stand for at all.
What really is faith? What is belief? I know that I absolutely, without a doubt don’t have those things. Maybe that’s the only real faith that I honestly know that I have – that I really don’t have any.
I can’t realistically say that I even really believe in such places as ‘heaven’ or ‘hell’. I’m not really certain that I can comfortably say that I have any belief about where we go when all of this is over. I’m not even really sure I want to know. The thought of any time before I existed doesn’t scare me – like… thinking about the year 1900 doesn’t terrify me. Why should any point after my death be any different? The lack of existence is just that – a lack of not existing.
I don’t really know what else to write about this, right now.
